Blog Blog Blog Blog

Wow, keeping up the interest, creativity and desire to write in the blog is very hard! When I first started the blog, I thought it was fun and I could not wait to jot my feelings down. Now... It seems to be the last thing on my mind. Not to mention that I am still working out the anger faze...

I think I have taken a turn for the better. So let me tell you where this started.... I had a lovely PEO sister call me early in the AM and said Tiffanie I would like to have dinner with you and Sophia. Let's not make it complicated, lets have dinner together in a way that is convenient to you. So this lovely sister came to my house that evening and we shared dinner and memories together. This sister is a very strong woman and who has traveled the world extensively and also married to a man who was in the air force. I always love to hear her stories. Then she invited Sophia and I to spend Father's day with her family. Sophia and I biked up to their home in Worthington and spent the afternoon with her children and future daughters "in-laws". I am thankful for their support.

As I mentioned, I am feeling better. We have almost completed 1/2 of our time apart. July 2nd will be the 1/2 way point. And no, it has not gone fast. Your life may have flew by, but not for us. I miss my best friend, and I especially miss the extra pair of hands to help with Sophia and the home.

So enough about that... As you know my great neighbor and friend Tricia Arthur has been watching Sophia and her son Jackson since January. I feel like a MILLION BUCKS when I drop of Sophia at her home. I knew that Sophia would be loved like her own during their time together. However, good things must come to an end. Tricia, her hubby Scott, and Jackson are moving to Minnesota for Scott to pursue a position with the Mayo Clinic. I have truly enjoyed getting to know them and being their friend. Tonight, Scott had a surprise B-Day party for Tricia where he made a lovely speech about his bride. He captured it perfectly..... So I am going to quote him....."Everyone who comes into Tricia's life falls in love with her passion, sincerity, goodness and walks away wanting to be like her, so they try, share and pass it on". I will miss the Arthur family and she does make me want to pass on her goodness.....

I would like to give just a quick update on Jerry's Dad. Currently he is in ICU at the hospital in Athens. They are struggling to keep his Sodium levels up. Jerry's sister Jennifer had been a wonderful caregiver for the family. She has a strong medical background and does a wonderful job of communicating to the family the doctors words. We are very thankful for all that she does. I will let you know more as I learn more.

Jerry is doing good. He is just like his dad where he NEVER complains. He compares his conditions to standing next to the air conditioner unit on a 100 degree day. (Hot air being blown on you) They are having quite a sand storm which he understands could last up to 30 days. He is traveling a lot to the airport, which I think really helps break up the monotony. I have asked him to write an entry and let's see if he can get a moment to do it. We are going to have some time together in Sept.

Good Night.

Sophia is 1 Year Old

I can't believe it, but our daughter Sophia is 1 year old. This morning, she slept in until 9:30am, so if you ask me, she started the day out right. Grandma & Grandpa Grove came in for the weekend to help us out and celebrate the day with Sophia. She is going swimming with her Nanny today.

I know that I always talk about my neighbors and how great they are, but this Friday evening, they out did themselves and created a very special weekend for us. Gina & John hosted a surprise 1 year B-Day party for Sophia. The party was attended by the Rod, Rosie, John, Laura, Maria, Pete, Carene, Abbi, Gracie, John & Gina. Sophia was adorned with wonderful gifts and a tasty birthday cake. It was a great night. Thank you Olentangy neighbors for a great 1st Birthday.

Laura & Maria Bova, Sis and I

Who does she look like?

I don't know what this face is?

Carene, Abbi, Sis and I getting ready to blow out the candle.

Can you see Jerry? He is thin. He organized a Mobilization Run in Country. It was in coordination with the Armed Force Honor Run Memorial Day benefiting the "Greater Powell Veteran's Memorial. Check out the entry about Jerry's efforts and organization of the race.

http://www.premierraces.com/Races/MemorialDay.html

Damage Control

So, I have been thinking about my Saturday late night entry all day. Wondering.... Should I erase it, did anyone see it, what are people going to think, did Jerry read it? So, I decided today that I would share with Jerry that I was mad at him. His response was.... What did I do now?

As, I did a poor attempt of trying to tell Jerry why I was mad, I realized that I could not give one concrete, legit reason. What it boils down to is I am pissed about our situation.

So unfortunately, Jerry is the only tangible person related to my source of anger, thus this means I will be mad at him. Who else can I be mad at? As if being pissed at President Bush would do me a world of good.

It's late Sunday evening and I feel that my day was a waste. I spent a lot of the day crying, stressed about work on Monday, and not enjoying the day with Sophia. Thankfully a friend Tricia Zelenack had previously invited us to meet their new family addition Morgan. Sophia and I spent about an hour visiting with the family and catching up. I almost cancelled due to my attitude. It was probably just what we needed.

So, now that I found the source of my anger, does it mean that this part of the grieving process will be coming to a close???? I need to move on.

My next goal is to work on my exit strategy from the Fashion Industry. I have a personal goal of August to complete/make this decision. As everyone keeps telling me, I need to have a plan. I will work on the details and hopefully put my plan in action once Jerry gets home. Is it returning to Stenography school full time to finish my court reporting degree, or is it something completely different. I will be focusing my energy, praying for guidance, and probably bugging friends and family for their input as to what they see me doing.

Honesty

As I mentioned in the first blog, I am human and I was not going to sugar coat my thoughts, feelings or actions. So here it goes.... I am ANGRY. I feel rage that I can't explain or gain any sense of perspective. I can't make it go away. It's a poisonous feeling that I sure hope will leave soon.

I take it out mostly on Jerry when he calls, always communicating as little as possible, Or, I don't return calls to friends because I just can't say something nice. I do the least amount of communicating at work as possible, so I don't show the anger.

Every once in a while an unsuspecting Soul will ask me at the right moment "How I am doing" and I will try and communicate but it usually ends in tears and then I feel horrible that I dumped my shit on their plate. This just happened the other day, where I called a PEO sister & thanked her for sending me the summer schedule and I ended up crying on the phone to her. How embarrassing.

I HATE being a single parent, I HATE Jerry for leaving me behind to do everything. I don't even care that Jerry has a 3 person room, he is in 140 degree temperature, his feet are constantly covered in sand. That's what he deserves for leaving us.

As I write this, I can clearly see that I don't have a single lick of perspective. I will be ready for this part of the grieving process to leave my system. So, as you can tell, this is why I have not communicate via the blog.

There has been many great milestones in Sophia's life. She is crawling all over the place and very fast. She screams at the Opera pitch every time we walk up or down the front stairs. Sophia loves our cat Bernard and can see a dog in the park a mile away. She has 8 teeth and I think one of her back teeth are coming in. She is going to be 1 year old June 2nd. I just bought her a new car seat and she is facing forward and loving life in the car. Sophia's favorite foods are Pineapple, Sweet Potatoes, Pickles, Cheese, Cheese-its, and animal crackers. She still is the happiest baby and bald.

Low Expectations = Great Weekend

This was a very special weekend. Heidie my youngest sister was married to her long time friend Shu Tosaka. The days proceeding up to the event were rainy and cold. ...


Then the rain stopped, the sun came out and the temps warmed up. Their wedding was at the "Fountain's" in Glenwood, Iowa where the ceremony was outside and the reception inside a lovely ballroom on site. The ceremony was personal and captured the feelings of the couple.


The attendance from friends far and near was special. The best thing about your wedding day is that you are surrounded by all your favorite people on the same day who have laced in and out of your entire life.

Heidie's friends, Christie and I gave them their scrap book. You know what Heidie said..... Tiff, I read your blog, so I knew you were making us the scrap book. Can you believe that. Ha Ha!

It was a perfect weekend. Heidie and Shu looked beautiful and I am sure they are relieved their weekend has come to an end. In fact, I am sure my parents are glad as well. Last Grove girl to get married. Enjoy the photos below.

The Grove Family got the opportunity to talk with Jerry. Curtis (my brother in law married to Christie) told Jerry he was sending a care packet of Porn and Beer. Jerry really did not get the joke. Dad talked to Jerry about the weather, Sister Christie described Sophia to him. He got an ear full. His presence was really missed by everyone, especially me.

Dad, Heidie & Mom
Long time family friend Donald, who flew from Lancaster, Penn with wife Judy.

Heidie with BFF"s Brandee, Jamie & Jenny

Our flowers.

Dad, having fun at the reception.

Shu's Mom and Sister who flew in from Tokoyo, Japan for the wedding.

Shu's boutonniere.

Heidie & Shu cutting the cake.

Long Time

Family Readiness Group Easter Egg Hunt. Sophia is with her Aunt Sylvia.
Sophia's favorite spot at the front stairs

Sophia reading the Sunday paper.

You may wonder why I haven't issued an update in the blog for some time. Well, there are two reasons.

The first reason is my work is very intense. My co-worker and I have been managing around 250 styles which include sweaters and accessories. Let me tell you.... when you work until 11pm building tech packs for mittens with popcorn ball stitches and trying to determine the thumb placement from the mitten opening you start to think.... Is this really worth it? Is this why my parents sent me to college? Is this my calling? And last but not least.... What else can I do for a living?

The second reason is I lost steam after our weekend away in Texas. It's not that I had a fantasy weekend planned in my mind where there would be no complications, my hair would be perfect, Sophia would remember and reunite with her daddy........... I just was in total shock and amazement of why this weekend happened the way it did. I have needed some time to digest the sadness that I felt. In fact, I am still dealing with the feelings. Even though their have been many wonderful gestures by friends, neighbors and family I could not bring my self to talk about their kindness. (Now how selfish is that?)

So let's move on.... Sophia is crawling. I LOVE IT! She is totally happy, gets where she wants and is more independent. Thankfully she is not very fast, so it's fun to keep an eye on her. Every once in a while she will sneak to the cat food bowl and spill their water everywhere and have a fist full of cat food in her hand and mouth. Not only is Sophia crawling, she is pulling herself up on anyone and anything.

This past weekend, I got something off my plate that has been on my mind since February. I have been organizing a Family Readiness Easter Egg Hunt and Pot Luck Lunch. The hunt was to happen in early March, but then the blizzard arrived and the event was postponed. I have had those filled Easter Eggs in my home since late February. I can't tell you how much better I feel to have what seemed like and endless to do list finished.

This next weekend, Sophia and I are heading to Iowa for my younger sister Heidie wedding. I am looking forward to seeing family, friends and be a witness to this special day.....

Jerry is doing okay. He has a 3rd roommate and mentioned he walks outside to take a shower. He said when he walks back to his room to get dressed his feet are covered with sand. Jerry is still taking an on-line course for his masters and works out in the nice gym as much as possible. He has advised that the PX was not ready for the influx of men and so there is no razors, tooth paste, personal items to be bought. He is already working on the schedule 2 week leave for everyone. His computer/phone line has a great connection but the problem is the time difference. It's hard to communicate with the 7 hour time difference. If you would like his address or phone number please let me know.

Sitting Up

Sophia has officially figured out how to "Sit Up". What she does is..... turns on to her belly, then pushes her self into the sitting position. At first I thought.... Wow, this is so neat and cute but now the reality has set in that maybe the more independent she gets with her body, the more independent she gets with her mind.

She is so independent at this moment that I can't get her to take a nap, go down for bed time, or go back to bed after a middle of the the night nightmare. All she wants to do is turn on her belly and go back to the seating position. Of course, she has not figured out how to lay back down yet.....

Now an update on Jerry... He is feeling much better and off all medicines. He is in Country, as they arrived yesterday. He has explained that he is in the middle of no where. The temperature is in the 100's during the day, but once the sun goes down it is significantly cooler. I could not quite understand his living conditions. He told me he had a roommate, but then there was something that separated the beds, maybe furniture set up to create a wall??? All of their basic necessities are available at the PX. He sounds very settled and tickled with himself as he has hooked up a Columbus phone # that calls directly into his computer. He also has a phone card that he can call home for 2 Cents a minute. They are 7 hours ahead. Shoot me an e-mail if you would like the phone # or address.