Honesty

As I mentioned in the first blog, I am human and I was not going to sugar coat my thoughts, feelings or actions. So here it goes.... I am ANGRY. I feel rage that I can't explain or gain any sense of perspective. I can't make it go away. It's a poisonous feeling that I sure hope will leave soon.

I take it out mostly on Jerry when he calls, always communicating as little as possible, Or, I don't return calls to friends because I just can't say something nice. I do the least amount of communicating at work as possible, so I don't show the anger.

Every once in a while an unsuspecting Soul will ask me at the right moment "How I am doing" and I will try and communicate but it usually ends in tears and then I feel horrible that I dumped my shit on their plate. This just happened the other day, where I called a PEO sister & thanked her for sending me the summer schedule and I ended up crying on the phone to her. How embarrassing.

I HATE being a single parent, I HATE Jerry for leaving me behind to do everything. I don't even care that Jerry has a 3 person room, he is in 140 degree temperature, his feet are constantly covered in sand. That's what he deserves for leaving us.

As I write this, I can clearly see that I don't have a single lick of perspective. I will be ready for this part of the grieving process to leave my system. So, as you can tell, this is why I have not communicate via the blog.

There has been many great milestones in Sophia's life. She is crawling all over the place and very fast. She screams at the Opera pitch every time we walk up or down the front stairs. Sophia loves our cat Bernard and can see a dog in the park a mile away. She has 8 teeth and I think one of her back teeth are coming in. She is going to be 1 year old June 2nd. I just bought her a new car seat and she is facing forward and loving life in the car. Sophia's favorite foods are Pineapple, Sweet Potatoes, Pickles, Cheese, Cheese-its, and animal crackers. She still is the happiest baby and bald.

Low Expectations = Great Weekend

This was a very special weekend. Heidie my youngest sister was married to her long time friend Shu Tosaka. The days proceeding up to the event were rainy and cold. ...


Then the rain stopped, the sun came out and the temps warmed up. Their wedding was at the "Fountain's" in Glenwood, Iowa where the ceremony was outside and the reception inside a lovely ballroom on site. The ceremony was personal and captured the feelings of the couple.


The attendance from friends far and near was special. The best thing about your wedding day is that you are surrounded by all your favorite people on the same day who have laced in and out of your entire life.

Heidie's friends, Christie and I gave them their scrap book. You know what Heidie said..... Tiff, I read your blog, so I knew you were making us the scrap book. Can you believe that. Ha Ha!

It was a perfect weekend. Heidie and Shu looked beautiful and I am sure they are relieved their weekend has come to an end. In fact, I am sure my parents are glad as well. Last Grove girl to get married. Enjoy the photos below.

The Grove Family got the opportunity to talk with Jerry. Curtis (my brother in law married to Christie) told Jerry he was sending a care packet of Porn and Beer. Jerry really did not get the joke. Dad talked to Jerry about the weather, Sister Christie described Sophia to him. He got an ear full. His presence was really missed by everyone, especially me.

Dad, Heidie & Mom
Long time family friend Donald, who flew from Lancaster, Penn with wife Judy.

Heidie with BFF"s Brandee, Jamie & Jenny

Our flowers.

Dad, having fun at the reception.

Shu's Mom and Sister who flew in from Tokoyo, Japan for the wedding.

Shu's boutonniere.

Heidie & Shu cutting the cake.

Long Time

Family Readiness Group Easter Egg Hunt. Sophia is with her Aunt Sylvia.
Sophia's favorite spot at the front stairs

Sophia reading the Sunday paper.

You may wonder why I haven't issued an update in the blog for some time. Well, there are two reasons.

The first reason is my work is very intense. My co-worker and I have been managing around 250 styles which include sweaters and accessories. Let me tell you.... when you work until 11pm building tech packs for mittens with popcorn ball stitches and trying to determine the thumb placement from the mitten opening you start to think.... Is this really worth it? Is this why my parents sent me to college? Is this my calling? And last but not least.... What else can I do for a living?

The second reason is I lost steam after our weekend away in Texas. It's not that I had a fantasy weekend planned in my mind where there would be no complications, my hair would be perfect, Sophia would remember and reunite with her daddy........... I just was in total shock and amazement of why this weekend happened the way it did. I have needed some time to digest the sadness that I felt. In fact, I am still dealing with the feelings. Even though their have been many wonderful gestures by friends, neighbors and family I could not bring my self to talk about their kindness. (Now how selfish is that?)

So let's move on.... Sophia is crawling. I LOVE IT! She is totally happy, gets where she wants and is more independent. Thankfully she is not very fast, so it's fun to keep an eye on her. Every once in a while she will sneak to the cat food bowl and spill their water everywhere and have a fist full of cat food in her hand and mouth. Not only is Sophia crawling, she is pulling herself up on anyone and anything.

This past weekend, I got something off my plate that has been on my mind since February. I have been organizing a Family Readiness Easter Egg Hunt and Pot Luck Lunch. The hunt was to happen in early March, but then the blizzard arrived and the event was postponed. I have had those filled Easter Eggs in my home since late February. I can't tell you how much better I feel to have what seemed like and endless to do list finished.

This next weekend, Sophia and I are heading to Iowa for my younger sister Heidie wedding. I am looking forward to seeing family, friends and be a witness to this special day.....

Jerry is doing okay. He has a 3rd roommate and mentioned he walks outside to take a shower. He said when he walks back to his room to get dressed his feet are covered with sand. Jerry is still taking an on-line course for his masters and works out in the nice gym as much as possible. He has advised that the PX was not ready for the influx of men and so there is no razors, tooth paste, personal items to be bought. He is already working on the schedule 2 week leave for everyone. His computer/phone line has a great connection but the problem is the time difference. It's hard to communicate with the 7 hour time difference. If you would like his address or phone number please let me know.

Sitting Up

Sophia has officially figured out how to "Sit Up". What she does is..... turns on to her belly, then pushes her self into the sitting position. At first I thought.... Wow, this is so neat and cute but now the reality has set in that maybe the more independent she gets with her body, the more independent she gets with her mind.

She is so independent at this moment that I can't get her to take a nap, go down for bed time, or go back to bed after a middle of the the night nightmare. All she wants to do is turn on her belly and go back to the seating position. Of course, she has not figured out how to lay back down yet.....

Now an update on Jerry... He is feeling much better and off all medicines. He is in Country, as they arrived yesterday. He has explained that he is in the middle of no where. The temperature is in the 100's during the day, but once the sun goes down it is significantly cooler. I could not quite understand his living conditions. He told me he had a roommate, but then there was something that separated the beds, maybe furniture set up to create a wall??? All of their basic necessities are available at the PX. He sounds very settled and tickled with himself as he has hooked up a Columbus phone # that calls directly into his computer. He also has a phone card that he can call home for 2 Cents a minute. They are 7 hours ahead. Shoot me an e-mail if you would like the phone # or address.

Weekend Away

As I mentioned in an earlier entry, Sophia and I headed to Texas to visit Jerry. I convinced our neighbor Rod to get up earlier than his normal time and drop Sophia and I off at the airport. Thanks Rod!

We were dropped off by the bell hop area and my bag was over weight and the assistant took me inside to pay the fee. Thankfully, the representative at American Airlines waved the fee. However, when I gave the Bell Hop the $3 tip he was disgusted with my tip and told me to take it back. Can you believe that! Now, my suitcase has wheels and his energy spent was worth no more. Ugh! That made me feel so sick inside and as if I was a cheap individual. I gave him another dollar and was on my way. Does anyone know the proper amount to tip? How do you gauge the amount to tip a bell hop? I think I need to write Dear Abby for the answer.

Sophia was a perfect angel on the morning flights, I could not ask for a better girl! We actually sat next to another wife in the same situation who was visiting her hubby as well. She was a great help with handling Sophia in those "need another hand moments".

We arrived in Texas and Jerry met us late in the afternoon and we had some quality time together. Sophia did not really make a fuss in regards to Jerry. She said hey.... he can come along for the ride if you want mommy. He can stay the night in the hotel, except I am going to cry every time you leave my sight, especially when you want to relax and take a shower. I will be crying in this man's arms just so you know I am still here and you can't enjoy your shower. Ha Ha!

We packed up the car and took a drive to San Antonio. Now, the freeways are nice but man, the traffic is bad. It's defiantly a beautiful and clean State, but over populated and busting at the seams in the big cities. We had one night where we walked the river walk and actually met up with another solider & wife by accident. Very lovely couple and we ate together at "Dick's restaurant". Have you ever ate there before? They are purposely sarcastic and mean to you. They make these hat's from paper place mats that have inappropriate & funny sayings on them. What a hoot and good time!

Now, hold tight because this is where the weekend turned messy! It was about 4am and Sophia was having another hard night of sleep. We decided to get up, diaper and feed her a bottle. Jerry took the diapering duty and I made the bottle. While I was making the bottle, I heard a thump and Sophia screaming. I ran into the room and both Jerry and Sophia are on the floor. Jerry can barely talk... All he could say is take care of Sophia, my Back! I settled Sophia down and was able to tend to Jerry. He had pulled his back and we were able to get him back on the bed for a few more hours of sleep.

I was up at the crack of dawn worrying about everything. Sophia must of sensed my nervousness, because she was just a little devil. I could not get her comfortable for a second. Jerry tried to leave the bed, but was unable. We had to call an ambulance, there was no way I was going to be able to care for them both. These nice EMT men came to the room and convinced Jerry with their assistance to get into our car and go to the nearest Military Hospital. We spent the day in the ER and finally got to see the PA. Jerry is doped up on Purcaset, Valium and Ibuprofen. He was ordered by the Military PA to bed rest for 72 hours.

Needless to say, the next 2 days were spent taking care of Sophia then Jerry, next Sophia then Jerry. Sunday night, we drove him back to his base. He had taken a shower earlier in the day, so we knew he could walk to his quarters. He got home safely to the room and his battle buddy was there to greet him and I feel he is in good hands. I talked with Jerry earlier tonight, he is very doped up. He is defiantly, not okay to be working yet. There have been a lot of buddies that have called and checked in on him. He did not know what his next step was. He was waiting to hear what to do next. I will fill you in on the next entry.

I don't want to harp on the situation, but I have never felt such a mix of sadness and anger. I feel totally cheated and hurt. I am disappointed to a degree that I have never felt before. I don't claim to be the perfect wife or mother and I promised to be honest with myself when expressing the feelings of this year, in order to record this history. I am afraid, if I wrote really what I was feeling I would disappoint you. So with this being said.... We are glad to be home. Sophia was so happy to see her familiar toys. She slept with out making a peep last night.

Blizzard of 2008

Yes, it is true.... We got about 20 inches of snow in a 24 hour period. Sophia and I were taken care of by so many neighbors. Friday Night, John got the early inches shoveled, then Rod early in the morning got the morning snow, but after his work, the snow came down so quickly. I received so many calls from concerned neighbors wanting to shovel our driveway.

Neighbors down the street Bill, Lille & Bill came to my rescue with the blowers and shovels. I just recently met the neighbors this winter when we hosted the "Olentangy Street Party". I thanked them and they just said your hubby is doing something for us, so we can do something for you. Thank you fabulous Neighbors.

I also managed to flood the upstairs bathroom with TP in the toilet. (I promise only #1) I walked to the basement to fill the washer after flushing the toilet and returned upstairs to hear the water running down my first floor walls. Some of you may know.... Jerry and I just paid to have previous ceiling and bathroom damage repaired. All I can say is "Shit Happens". Neighbors Rosie whisked away Sophia while Rod & I assessed the situation. Thanks For your help Rod & Rosie.

Now on to some great news! Sophia and I are heading to Texas to visit Jerry. We will be leaving this week and staying for a few days. Are biggest adventure is to San Antonio. We are excited to see the Alamo and the water walkway. Jerry can't wait to see Sis in her pink Bikini. We are ready for some family time.

Next entry will be some good photos of the 3 of us.

Just Photos

Bottle of Wine titled "Mommy's Time Out" given to me by neighbors across the street Scott & Nancy. Laura Bova and I did a good job of drinking it up Saturday night. Thanks Scott & Nancy!

Sophia standing in the living room. The ottomans are just the perfect height. I place her there and she stands as long as she can. She has the Mourn Bootie.

Maria and Sophia hanging out Saturday night. Sophia managed to place every single toy of Maria's in her mouth. Mommy Laura Bova made me a nice Sandwich while the girls played. We ate Texas Sheet Cake after. GG made her famous cake for us to enjoy.

WWF, Magnificent Maria with the "Ear Tug" move giving Sassy Sophia a run for the money. Folks, who do you think cried first???? Thankfully neither! They were really enjoying each other and starting to pay more attention to one another.

Look Mom, One Hand!

Sophia getting ready to crawl! She is up on all fours, however not quite there.

At the unit, they have a board decorated with letters from students to the soldiers. It's really cool as people can walk by and read the letters. This was part of the Christmas Tree that was donated to Jerry's Unit.

Sophia and Jackson hanging out on Saturday night.